yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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