"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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