We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
BRING THE BAGELS
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
