She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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