worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
