Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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