I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
what day is it and did you see me today?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
