in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
