when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I need a beard to bite.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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