guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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