Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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