But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Come share oat with me in your robe
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
