First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
