i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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