she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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