"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
