Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just forgot I was standing up.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
