all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
