I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
