How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
