the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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