At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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