I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize