Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
