i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
