somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
