my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
