I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
