I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
