Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
