is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
