I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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