nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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