remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize