She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
