sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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