Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
