There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
