I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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