I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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