Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize