Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
