Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
