maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
