I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
