this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
