I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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