i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
