So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My ass is underappreciated
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
