WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize