Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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