not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
