I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
