Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize