Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
