So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
