oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
