You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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