I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
