We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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