Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
