Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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